Reflections From Inside The Therapy Room

Why do some people go quiet, withdraw, or emotionally shut down during conflict? This reflection explores what shutting down is often trying to protect—and why silence in relationships is usually more complicated than it appears. “Why do you always shut down?” “You’re stonewalling me again.” “Aren’t you going to say anything?” “How can you just go to bed after that?” “You don’t even care.” Meanwhile, the person being accused of shutting down is often having a very different e

“Why don’t I want sex anymore?” “Why do we feel like roommates?” “Why don’t we flirt anymore?” “Why do I feel more like a parent, coworker, manager, or caregiver than a partner?” These are some of the most common questions couples ask when something important has shifted in their relationship. Often they assume the problem is sex. Sometimes they assume it’s communication. Sometimes they assume they’re just tired. Or that this is what happens after kids. Or after ten years. Or